NewMom

Important Lasts

2011-09-01T21:52:00.000-05:00

As a rule, we're focused on 'firsts'; first words, first steps, first day school, first kiss, first FIRST. I remember many firsts, and and I'm grateful for them, but there are too many lasts I wish I'd taken note of as well.

The last time my mom tucked me in at night.

The last time I rode with my grandpa and grandma while they drove.

The last time my grandma said "there's my good girl" as she kissed me.

The last time I crawled out of the fort my dad had made for me underneath my bed.

The last time I put blue mascara on my eyelashes.

The last time I took the books out of my backpack.

The last sippy cup I filled.

Seemingly insignificant, these lasts made the firsts possible.

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

Are You Having Fun?

2010-11-21T14:34:00.040-06:00

Our to-do lists are long, our responsibilities great and we end up narrowly spending our days, completely missing the width each one offers.

I've been so busy keeping schedules, routines, trying to get work done, trying to make a success of my ideas, trying to get the kids fed and to bed on time, getting the laundry done, worrying about money, etc., I hadn't realized how much fun was no longer on the agenda. Sure I could squeeze some fun in, but only if I'd gotten everything else done first, only if I'd "earned" it. Otherwise I felt too guilty to enjoy myself when I hadn't made a sale that day, or if there was laundry to do.

A favorite book of mine is One Day My Soul Just Opened Up by Iyanla Vanzant. I purchased the book 10 years ago and recently decided to revisit it. I loved it the first time and am loving it again. This 'chapter' of Iyanla's book resonated so deeply with me I had to share it with you.

It's rather long (in internet time), so I've highlighted the same lines I highlighted in my own copy.

"Working Definition: the principle we are working with today is joy. FUN is the pursuit of joy. Activities that provide amusement and mental or emotional release.

Do you have toys? In case you have forgotten, toys are things you play with just for the joy of playing. I play with shoes. They are my toys. I go out searching for shoes. When I find them I try them on. Sometimes I buy them, but buying shoes is not playing with shoes. I play with shoes because it is fun. I also play with makeup. I have all types of makeup, and I have been made up at so many cosmetic counters I could have been charged rent. I buy makeup so that I can bring it home and play with it. I have so much fun making up my face that I have spent an entire day dong just that. I used to play with food. I would play with different recipes and make my family eat whatever I cooked. The cooking part was fun, but once food became so expensive, playing with it was a game I had to give up. The point I want to make is that it is absolutely necessary to spend some portion of life having fun.

We can get so caught up in the process of life, the responsibilities of life, what we want from life, that we forget to have fun. Life is a joke. It is absolutely hysterical. If you think about some of the things that go on in life, you would have to choice other than to laugh. Life is a game. Games are intended to be fun, but we work at our games and turn our games into work. We get so caught up in the work portion of life that we forget to play. We forget to have fun. This is where toys can become very helpful. When you commit some time each week to playing and having fun, life gets much easier. When you realize there is more to life than working and paying bills, when you have something fun to look forward to, life takes on a completely different tone. Fun gives you a new outlook. It helps you expand your mind and your spirit. It keeps you young and vibrant. Fun allows you to think about something other than what you don't have or cannot do and the places you wish you didn't have to go.

Fun is absolutely free. If you don't have toys, you can always get naked. Just take your clothes off and stand in front of the mirror. I guarantee that there will be at least one thing about your body that you can laugh at. If laughing at yourself is too traumatic, laugh at somebody else. I sometimes point and smile at people as I drive by. They are totally shocked. Sometimes they smile back, but more often than not they look around to see who I'm smiling at, knowing it can't be them. We are so serious about life we don't think we should we should smile at one another, particularly if we don't know one another. I have fun pointing and smiling at people. I have even more fun winking at men. They love it. If you do it the right way, their face will crack with a big smile. Of course, it's safe because I can pull away when the light turns green.

When was the last time you played dress-up? Or threw a water balloon at someone you know? When was the last time you had a talent show with your children or friends? There are so many simple things we can do to bring joy and laughter into our lives. There are many non-competitive, non-intellectual things you can do just for the fun of doing them. You can miss the news for one night. You can finish the book tomorrow. The laundry can stay in a neat and orderly pile just a few more hours. Right now, you need to go and have some fun. Go on. Find something fun to do and do it."

Life should be fun. Of course we have our responsibilities and routines are important. But to go through each day, head down, focused only on those things we feel we need to get done? That is a waste of the beauty and opportunity for happiness that is in front of us everyday.

Time to take a deep breath, close the laundry room door and go find some fun.

Habitat for Humanity

2010-10-12T22:06:00.000-05:00

Thank you for the sharing your suggestions on charities to partner the Downspout Safety Caps with. Though they were all great causes and I'd love to be able to support them all, we've chosen to go with Habitat for Humanity.

Habitat for Humanity is a program that is ties into the Downspout Safety Cap as it is a home improvement item and allows us to give them a product they can use and we can contribute year round, nationally. Few Minnesotans care about downspouts in January, when they're buried under 3 feet of snow..

Stay tuned for goals, such as how many Habitat Humanity houses we hope to outfit w/DSCs and how you can help us reach those goals.

Thank you!

Got a Favorite Charity We Can Help?

2010-10-06T14:23:00.001-05:00

I'm big on tying business endeavors to worthy causes. Nothing helps you sell more than knowing it's about more than the bottom line, each sale you close helps a cause that needs it.

With NewMom, we donated a percentage of profits to the Greater Minneapolis Crisis Nursery and employed Opportunity Partners to assemble and deliver the congratulations gifts. It was easy to choose both of those causes. I volunteered at the Crisis Nursery for many years before I had my babies and I used to work as a Personal Care Attendant for a boy with Down Syndrome, which I truly enjoyed.

I've been trying to think of a cause for my Downspout Safety Caps to support. Though, gutters don't generate a lot of ideas for me, our 'slogan' if you will, is "Keep It Safe". Which got me thinking maybe we could tie the caps into causes that keep kids safe? Or maybe Habitat for Humanity? Homelessness?

I don't know all of the causes out there and I don't belong to any mommy-boards where I could post the question w/out it looking like I'm trying to sell something so I thought the NewMom readers would be the perfect resource to help me find and choose a charity for the Downspout Safety Caps to help.

Either leave your suggestion in the comments below, on our Facebook page or email me by the 8th (Friday). I will post the chosen charity on Tuesday. Let's make a difference together!

Why I Suck at Twitter

2010-09-27T14:35:00.000-05:00

I LOVE Twitter. I love following my favorite celebs and industry gurus. I'm a 'lurker'. I've attempted to post, get on a roll of retweeting, etc. But it's always short-lived. I'm happier being a lurker.

My followers & I have special relationship: one-sided. It's not that I don't care about relationships. It's not that I don't think I need to invest time to cultivate my own Twitterverse. It's not that I only want to promote, not engage fellow Twits. It's that I'm BORING. Yep, B O R I N G. Does anyone really want to hear the latest hair-brained idea I had in the shower this a.m.? Know that my youngest has diarrhea and that I'm not sure if it's OK for my 4 and 6 year old to be referring to their scrotums (ugh, the word is ugly even) as "nuts"? I don't think so.

There's also a pressure I can't deal with. You have to essentially pick a Twitter personality or theme, if you will, and stick to it. No including 'scrotum' in your tweet history if you really want to sell downspout caps. No swearing if you want to engage corporations. No politics if you want to keep all of your friends and followers.

It's the same reason this blog is updated on random basis. I have a hard enough time figuring out what to make for dinner, much less attempting to create a brilliant blog post that will earn me thousands of followers and companies clamoring to get me to review their products.

I can't pick a personality. I can't always be "ON" for my Tweeps. So, no I don't expect you to purchase my products (Downspout Safety Caps) or services (NewMom, Inc.) just because I shared a link (National Hardware Retail Association Feature).

I'm really happy for those who have mastered their Twitter/Blogsphere personalities. Me? I'm choosing to continue to bump along w/my sporadic, Twitterphrenic personality and hope that the Universe will help me make connections with other Twitterphreniacs as we bump along, balancing the pursuit of life, love, happiness and the next social media trend.

Postpartum Depression - from GOOP

2010-08-19T11:43:00.000-05:00

Gwyneth Paltrow produces an e-newsletter called "Goop". Each newsletter covers a category which varies from places to see, food to make, style and health tips and more.

Her last newsletter was about postpartum depression. Gwyneth touches on her experience with PPD after the birth of her first son, and Bryce Dallas Howard shares her personal story.

After the birth of my first, I experienced what I would consider a case of the 'blues' as my body worked to rid itself of all the accumulated hormones. I shared my experience in a previous post.

What these women discuss goes beyond a case of the blues and stresses the importance of not being ashamed, of knowing you're not alone and to ask for and accept help.

It's a must read for any new mom and their support system. Read it here: GOOP

So....what do you think?

2010-07-08T21:13:00.000-05:00

Two random ideas:

1. New Girls (ok, probably moms really) Hangout - Grocery Store. Before you judge, read me out...I've never gone grocery shopping with a girl friend, but think of it - think of how your two households do many things differently, especially what you're eating. She has her list, you have yours. Maybe you introduce her to Feta cheese and what you do with it (fantastic on scrambled eggs) and maybe she educates you on the many ways to eat a cucumber (I for one can't imagine any good ones).

2. Funeral Planning Dinner. Yep, that is what I meant to write. Funeral. Planning. Dinner. Who wants to talk about their demise? How many of us have wills that are outdated now that we have more children, different assets, etc. Or how many of us have no will prepared at all?

Picture this: You have 3 or 4 couples over for dinner along w/an invited attorney that specializes in wills. You have a nice dinner, chat about the looming cloud of why you're there, share your anxieties, your coping mechanisms and, inevitably (if you've invited the right friends) a few laughs. The attorney sits in a comfortable room/office and each couple has their time one on one, in private with the attorney, while the others continue conversing, socializing and making a dreaded task much more bearable. You leave the evening with new memories and a will.

I don't know about you, but our lack of a current will weighs on me. Each time Mike & I are in the car together, or planning a trip, etc. I've said time and again "we have to do our will" but that time never seems to come. It'd be nice to have that task off my to-do-list once and for all. And, if it involves food and my friends, all the better. Should probably keep the drinking to a minimum at this dinner.

I some great ideas too, I'll let you know when I remember them.

Education or Capitalism?

2010-04-21T14:41:00.000-05:00

Ok, I wasn't a political science major or involved in the AP Government class at my high school, so maybe it's simply my ignorance that brings me to this topic, and now I'm seeking some enlightenment.

We keep hearing how our schools are cutting programs, losing teachers, crowding classes and shutting down. We also hear about the fantastic Twins stadium, the taxes created to pay for it and now the Vikings want a piece of the program too.

I don't have problem with capitalism and the free enterprise system, but I do have a problem with where it seems we're placing education on the priority list.

If we can raise $392 million to give $158 million/year franchise a new home (essentially mortgage free mind you), I'd hope we could do something meaningful with our school system too.

I'm not interested in a 'debate' about Target Field here, I'd just like understand why we can't do the same for our education. Our children are our future (thanks Whitney) and though many parents hope they're raising the next Joe Mauer or Wayne Gretzky, it's going to take more than good athletes for the U.S. to keep up with the rest of the world.

Did you know?

2010-03-25T15:50:00.005-05:00

Did you know
...that putting yellow mustard on a burn will bring instant relief?

...that olive oil is a fantastic moisturizer for you and your baby's skin?
...that honey has natural antibacterial properties?
...that the downspouts protruding from you house can cause injury?

That last one was a bit odd, wasn't it? Well, I'm going to let you in on a little secret here...I've started a side project which was initiated by that odd last fact.

As my oldest was getting on his bike last summer, he accidentally kicked the downspout next to our walkway. Blood everywhere (wish I had the forethought to take pics at the time - would've made for great marketing piece). I thought he'd lost a toe. Instead, just 4 stitches, thankfully.

Like most of us, I'd never given a thought to downspouts and had no idea they were sharp. Well, had I known I'd have happily spent a couple bucks to cover the sharp edges and avoid the traumatic and expensive trip to the ER.

Hoping to spare the next two little ones from similar fate, I searched for downspout covers and came up with nothing so I created one. You can buy them here.

Why a secret? I don't know. For one thing, this has truly been a side project and I've been afraid that people will think I'm not as dedicated to NewMom, or that I'm just chasing that next thing, or that I'm not focused, etc. Or maybe that's what I've been afraid of? I don't know. That's probably a whole post itself.

Regardless, spring is upon us, and the kids are out running around the neighborhoods so I figured it was time to let the secret out and maybe we'll end up saving a few more little toes this summer.

Oh, and one more did you know -

...that I just ate half of a bag of Hersheys Kisses with Almonds as I wrote this post?

Happy Spring!

Secondary Separation Anxiety

2010-03-17T12:10:00.002-05:00

I clearly remember all three of my children hitting the separation anxiety stage between six and nine months of age. To be left with their very capable and very loving father sent them into a tailspin. We read up on it; only a phase, very typical, there's a new awareness of the world and it something they will overcome.

So now, my three and a half year old is experiencing what I call Secondary Separation Anxiety (SSA). I'm sure I'm not the only parent out there who has lived through this. My youngest child is outgoing, secure, friendly and assertive. What a surprise to me that last month she started crying hysterically when I dropped her off at preschool! It is SO out of character for her. So I find myself giving her one more kiss goodbye, taking her to the bathroom one more time, sitting in class until all her buddies are there. In short, I'm enabling her behavior. Is it because she's my youngest? Does she feel not adequately loved? Is it because I feel guilty that I'm going on errands or to the gym? I know she has calmed down once I'm out of view, but the SSA is something I was totally unprepared for.

If you're a parent who has experienced this and have any words of advice, I'd love to hear it!

Oyster or Pearl?

2010-03-10T20:30:00.001-06:00

My girlfriend has an adorable shop downtown, The Urban Market...soon moving to The Stash. The Market was filled with inspirational goodies for everyone from crafters to those searching to find their passion in life.

I picked up a couple of treasures there this weekend. First, this card by Curly Girl Design:

"Tired of being an oyster, she decided to try life as a Pearl for awhile."

I love it. It's inspiring. It reminds us that we have a choice, everyday. Live like an oyster or open the shell and live like a pearl?

Personally I like having the option. I feel I've been living like an oyster for awhile. When I had my 1st baby, I closed the oyster a little bit, actually quite a bit; I had a beautiful new pearl to protect. My world became small and I liked it. That way I could focus on my new baby and have less outside 'threats'.

I've posted before how I'd had a hard time after my first. Crying for weeks. Especially at the thought that this little being I'd been sharing my body with is now out to be shared with the world, and from that moment on this baby would be growing away from me. That baby is going to be 6 years old next month and what a joy it's been to watch him grow and to realize it isn't necessarily away from me, but along with me.

Two more babies later and the shell of the oyster is slowly cracking open again. Light is shining in and it's beautiful.

The second purchase I made at The Market was a necklace from Lucky Feather's Pretty Moon collection. It's essentially a little gold star on a string, it's simplicity is perfect. The message on the placard it was attached to said "Dream Big. Reach for the Stars. May this necklace empower you to live your dreams." And on the back, even better:

"Begin doing what you want do do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand-and melting like a snowflake..." Francis Bacon

There was another Lucky Feather necklace that I didn't pick up. A shamrock "Welcome good fortune. Wear this necklace and good luck will find you." At the moment, I needed to decide which I wanted more, the inspiration to act on big dreams or hang my hopes on a lucky charm. After I got home and unpacked my goodies, I realized if were living life like a pearl, I would've known I didn't have to choose: I could have bought both.

I'm going to try living life as a pearl for awhile. I may close the top again, but now I know there's a choice.

The shamrock necklace is mine now too.

Seize the Day

2010-03-04T13:56:00.003-06:00

I love "Seize the Day" mentality. So inspiring and motivating. But I also hate it. I feel pressured. I can't just sit here - I MUST Seize the Day! But what do I do??? Of course there's always stuff to be done - laundry, floors, bills, windows, etc. But is that really seizing the day?

Today is an absolutely beautiful day here in MN. Sun is out, snow is melting, birds are singing. My children are at school and daycare, my husband is on a trip. I've got complete freedom and I have no idea what to do with it. The chores just don't seem like enough. I have businesses to run and instead I sit here spinning. Aimlessly wasting the day I so desperately want to seize.

Part of me is screaming - just go! Just get in the car and go somewhere! But where to?? It's too late to go far now anyway, I'll have to pick up the kids soon. Coffee? That's just one indoor setting for another. Target? Well, entertaining isn't exactly seizing the day either, though we do need milk.

I feel like I'm just sitting, spinning, waiting and while I'm wasting time, this beautiful life is not being lived to its fullest.

Looks like maybe I need to go for a walk.

Please tell me, how do you seize your days?

NewMom: Judging others

2010-02-09T14:59:00.000-06:00

NewMom: Judging others

Judging others

2010-02-09T14:42:00.004-06:00

This story struck a chord in me. www.momlogic.com posted a story about a mother committing suicide because she felt judged by her peers. You can find the whole story at http://su.pr/4K3fap. The author of momlogic made this statement: "I vow to support mothers everywhere. To not judge but to offer compassion, understanding and help."
In my nine years as a mother, I am guilty of judging others. It happened last year. It happened last week. It happened today. I am aware of it and I try to curb it. What gives me the right to pass judgment? I haven't walked a mile in her shoes. I haven't taken the log out of my eye before seeing the speck in hers. I don't know what happens behind closed doors. I need to make this vow a reality for myself. I encourage all you mothers to join me and make your own personal vow.

A Large Family: One NewMom's Perspective

2010-01-20T20:10:00.007-06:00

Today we hear from Deb, a positive, devoted, driven mother of five.

Was it always your intent to have a large family?

We always wanted to have a large family. When we were first married, we thought we would go for 6. We ended up stopping at 5.

Do you or your husband come from a large family?

Neither one of us came from a large family. I have 2 siblings. He has 1.

How do your children interact? Are they divided among gender? Age group?

They fight like any group of siblings would, but I find that the older ones really look out for the younger ones and the younger ones really look up to the older ones. Our age range is 4-17 years old, so there is a wide range. We have 4 boys and one girl. Our daughter wishes she had a sister, but she plays and interacts with her brothers.

Does each new child get easier or more difficult for the family to adjust?

Someone told me that after 2, you’re already outnumbered so throwing one more in the mix isn’t a big deal. As a mom, I think it’s easier to adjust because you’ve done it before and know what to expect. I knew I would cry and feel overwhelmed in the first month, but I knew it would pass.

How did your families react to your decision to have a large family?

My parents thought it was a lot. His parents didn’t mind.

Are you able to find babysitters?

With a 17 and 14 year old, we have built in babysitters, which really changes your life as a parent. It makes it so much easier when you can just leave the older ones in charge and not have to worry about finding someone. We try to keep a balance and not dump on them all the time.

How do you manage on a day to day basis?

One day at a time. Things are busy around here, but happy.

What’s your favorite thing about having a large family?

My 4 year old saying he wants to be a scout when he grows up! Knowing that if one of them has a problem when mom and dad aren’t around an older sibling will step in and help and support them.

What advice would you give to a mom contemplating a large family, or just adding to the family?

There will be noise and chaos. Not everything is perfect, but if you can let go of perfection you will love having a big gang.

Deb

What Makes You Happy?

2010-01-12T20:09:00.007-06:00

Have you ever thought about what makes you happy? I mean really thought about it?

I received an email in December regarding a new book coming out, The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin. I loved the concept, replied to the email and received a proof of the book!

I'm about half-way through it, and I love it. I'm inspired. I'm generally a happy person to begin with; to be honest it's something I sort of pride myself on. Nonetheless, this book got me thinking; what does make me happy?? I've never given that any thought. I began to make a list and was amazed at how many things make me happy. Things that I could easily turn to anytime I needed a "happiness boost". Here are a few examples:

1. Walking into a clean bathroom
2. Having yogurt with fruit for breakfast
3. Game night w/my kids
4. Taking a bath
5. Clean sheets.
6. Caribou Coffee
7. Painting my toenails (love having color on my toes, don't care for the typed word 'toenails')
8. Reading cookbooks
9. Connecting with inspiring friends
10. Yoga
11. Making a plan
... and about 40 more

Are any of these things going to put me on the list of Forbes wealthiest? Probably not. But who's to say what the outcome of being happier will have on my life. If I'm happier, both my personal and professional lives benefit. How much to you really accomplish when you're unhappy? How do people around you feel when you're unhappy? Take a situation where you were in an noticeably hum-drum mood and re-enact it with a happy you -would the situation have been different?

My resolution for 2010:

To be aware of what makes me happy and to be grateful, for all of it.

I'm going to endeavor on my own happiness project.

Time for a bath...What's on your happiness list?

Bittersweet

2010-01-07T07:09:00.005-06:00

The adjective I've used to describe my children growing older, more often than not, is bittersweet. I have embraced every stage, every journey, most challenges (!) of my children's lives. Two have been seen off to their first day of kindergarten. Two have lost their first teeth. They've grown from the infant, to toddler, to big kid department in clothing stores (almost). Three have been put in big kid beds. My baby is at preschool for the first time. While I embrace all of this as part of the deal, it doesn't always make happy. I want to freeze frame where we are today and maybe even go back a bit and here's an example of why:
I sauntered into my third grade daughter's classroom yesterday, went to embrace and kiss her (per usual wherever we are) and I was given the cheek. Yes, her arms wrapped around me for a hug, but the kiss was obviously diverted. Her friends were around, I get it. However, I made a mental note to ask her about it at home. I know she was glad to see me. I know she loves when I volunteer in her classroom. Yet she is getting older. She can no longer be seen receiving or giving a kiss to her mother (yes, we're a lip-kissing family). At least not around her peers.
I moved on. It didn't get me down. It didn't spoil my day. But I did ponder why? Have I smothered her with hugs and kisses and now she's rejecting them? Did I have bad breath? Was her PB and J not perfect? Did she simply not want a kiss?
I found it interesting that when she came home from school, she gave me a bigger hug than usual. She told me she loved me. She complimented me on my outfit. She asked how my day was. She offered to help with dinner. She thanked me for volunteering in her class and asked when I'd be in there again.
My heart was happy. I recognize it's just another piece of her growing up. I may not get the PDA as frequently, but I'm still getting them at home. For that I should be thankful...I know it won't be forever...Bittersweet.

On the cusp of disbelief

2009-12-16T07:04:00.002-06:00

My kids have doubted the authenticity of Santa Claus! I knew this day would come. I just didn't expect it so soon. Now I must figure out how to move forward, not give in to their doubts and certainly not ruining the fantasy for my youngest child.

It happened last week when my three year old told us about Santa Claus visiting her at preschool. She was animated and excited. "That wasn't really Santa," responds Quinn, age 6. "There's no way he was at your school all the way from the North Pole." I imagined it would end there. He was hanging on to some belief. I could feel it.

"That was just someone dressing up as Santa." At this point Katherine began to fight it and I saw some yelling brewing so I interjected.

"Santa is so busy this time of year, it might have been one of his helpers, like the Santas at the mall."

Quinn: "No, his helpers are the elves. Katherine, was his sleigh there?"

Katherine: "I don't know. We didn't go outside."

Meanwhile, Josephine (8.5) is sitting on the sofa reading; nicely minding her own business. My husband is not around for this exchange, lucky me. My mind is whirling: how do I handle this? Quinn is 6 and SO literal about everything. I realize this trait will serve him well in school, however, when discussing man-made fantasies, what do I say to keep him authentic while not ruining my three-year-old's fun? He lost his first tooth last week and never doubted the toothfairy. But fairies are so small, they cannot be seen easily with the human eye, I suppose.

Finally, my Jo speaks. She is the calm. She is the voice of reason. She is my assistant. She has doubted Santa's existence for two years now, but I never confirmed her disbelief. I told her this and now she was passing it on to her siblings: "How will Santa bring you a gift if you don't believe in him?"

Concise. Direct. Open-ended. I know parents have said this same phrase for years, and I'm so grateful for it!

We are a family that doesn't hype up Santa. We don't have a chimney, so he uses our front door. He leaves one gift for the kids. We celebrate St. Nicholas on December 6 and understand that Santa was modeled after the good saint. We celebrate Jesus's birthday with the Christkind leaving the kids a gift also.

So why am I so bothered that my children are doubting?

Diamonds vs. Tattoos

2009-12-13T20:24:00.000-06:00

In (nearly) ten years of marriage my husband and I have grown up, raised children, challenged each other and fused into one. We have compromised without compromising ourselves. We have grown without leaving the other behind. We have fought and reconciled. We have gone to bed angry and made up in the morning. We have loved unconditionally and reflected upon how our love for each other has changed. My husband is my partner through and through.

Publish Post

Next week we celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. I'm not going to lie or try to be the bigger person: I want diamonds. Earrings, an anniverary band, a tiny necklace; I won't discrimitate. It could be the size of a grain of sand. I'd rather have no gift at all than something other than jewelry. So now, I've already compromised. Any type of jewelry will suffice. I'm selfish. I want something material. Have I begun to think of what to get my beloved? Of course. Tiffany cufflinks that he will wear once every four years. A new knife for hunting. A P90X. I know diamonds are not in the budget this year, so I've begun mentally preparing myself.

What is a gift we could share together? So I started thinking, what about a new tattoo? I have two compared to Dave's four. It is only fitting that we would mark our 10th anniversary with ink. Who needs diamonds anyway? Marriage is about compromise, right? He is the Miller High Life to my Stella. He is the metal to my country. He is the salty to my sweet. He is the Suburban to my Volvo. He is the intensity to my calm. He is the patience to my instant gratification. He is the History Channel to my E! He is the hunter to my shopper. He is the quiet to my loud. But I'm not convinced a tattoo is the way to go either. I'll put aside the material hype of a 10th wedding anniversary and try to live out my vows on a daily basis.

Here's a shout-out to my husband and parenting partner: THANK YOU!

Talking about death

2009-12-07T11:13:00.002-06:00

What is the best way to talk about death to your children? Especially if they are of varying ages? They know about heaven, animals dying, Jesus on the cross...but I had to tackle this question late last week. My sister's father-in-law passed away after a debilitating illness. Don was someone my kids saw twice a year, at least. Naturally, he was the grandfather of cousins who my children are particularly close with.
I didn't hesitate in telling them about Don's death. They knew of his condition and we regularly prayed for him. What struck me was how different my children reacted to the news:
Josephine, age 8.5: "That is so sad. I hope Uncle Andy's mom is okay."
Quinn, age 6: "Now Uncle Andy doesn't have a dad." And he burst into tears.
Katherine, age 3: "Well, there are angels in heaven and now he's an angel."
I heard compassion, empathy and honesty in my children. I didn't divulge any more information--I left it up to them. If anyone has questions or comments about death, they know where to find me. We are attending the funeral without the children today, but it has made me ponder the depth of discussion and understanding they are capable of.

2009-12-03T07:03:00.004-06:00

The age-old debate: who is easier to raise, girls or boys? Please feel free to add to our discussion by leaving a comment. I'm sure we all have an opinion!
Today we hear from Kari, the mother of two boys.

Do you feel society allows boys to be more physical merely because they are boys?

Yes, to a certain extent, I think we all resort to the phrase, “boys will be boys,” because boys tend to have a higher activity level.

What double standards, if any, do you see between parenting boys and people you know who parent girls?

I don’t know that I see many double standards between parenting boys vs. girls.

While you were pregnant did you have a gender preference?

It’s funny, before having boys I would have said that I was much more geared towards having girls. However, now that I am a mom of two boys, I think I am much more suited to have boys based on my patience level and ability to find humor in the crazy things they do/say.

Would you try conceiving to “get your girl?"

No…I believe that everything happens for a reason and if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.

Do others comment on you having all boys?

Yes, typically when they hear I have two boys they give me their condolences!

What do you feel are the benefits or drawbacks, if any, to having all same sex children?

I think the benefits are overwhelming. They have a very tight bond and enjoy playing with each other (most of the time) and are into all the same things. It’s an added bonus if you have them at a similar time of the year too and can be very cost efficient!

Can you be gluten free and also an M&M?

2009-11-30T06:55:00.004-06:00

Yes, you can find gluten-free chocolate.

If I had my way, I’d eat three square meals of chocolate a day with snacks of something salty and then more chocolate. Or maybe mix in a bowl of cereal to round everything out. Then kids came into our lives and well, they need vegetables and don’t function well on just chocolate. Our oldest son has had a decorated medical history and what put us into action were the 13 containers of medications lined up each morning. I was missing something. Something huge that was causing his body to go berserk and I had to figure it out.

Knowing our son has an ultra-sensitive system, I knew we were looking at a long road ahead. The gluten-free (GF) diet seemed like a good place to start. I saw no reason not to try it – so many parents were celebrating the benefits, it couldn’t hurt him to try it, and with all our son’s health issues surrounding food, maybe it could help. I also decided to try it with him (after first researching GF chocolate and if wine was safe) so he wasn’t eating alone and to see if it could help me, too.
We figured out after only a few weeks that all the medication our son was taking was masking other issues – that his body was not able to accept wheat and gluten. The medications weren’t treating the main cause of his discomfort, just easing the symptoms. By eliminating gluten and wheat from his diet we saw an improvement in his energy, no more dark circles under his eyes, no more random eczema flare-ups, and most importantly, we were able to eliminate over half the medications he was taking each day. For me, it meant no more stomach aches after I ate, being able to claim a “regular” routine if you catch my drift, and not feeling as bloated.
Unfortunately fast food joints are extremely limited for GF kid-friendly food. Companies claiming to have a GF menu don’t take into account most kids don’t eat lettuce and that the general worker mixes batter-caked onion rings with the supposedly-GF fries. But the great thing is more and more education is happening surrounding the GF diet and it’s becoming easier to spot gluten and there are many more name brands (what I call mainstream foods) that are labeled GF.

FDA law requires food labels to list wheat as one of the top eight food allergens so it’s easier and easier to spot safe food. The internet is a wealth of resources for finding mainstream foods as well as specific GF brands. Our pediatrician recommended a pocket guide for taking with to the grocery store. I swap tips and ideas with other GF families.
Grocery shopping has become a game for me. Where can I find the best deal on the right products? Can I get free shipping? Can I find a mainstream brand instead that might be cheaper? It took a lot of research and a bit of patience to figure out what foods were GF. Now that we’re 9 months into the diet I know which brands are good and that makes shopping much easier.

NewMom asked if I had any final recommendations for food choices. I guess it’s pretty simple and you’ve heard it before: you are what you eat.

Just know you can be GF and also be an M&M…

If you’re interested in some of my resources, visit my own blog, as I have a ton of links and tips in there.

Breathe a Sigh of Relief

2009-11-23T07:14:00.003-06:00

I turned into a mad woman. I listened. I watched. I read. I gathered information. I dialogued. I ignored. It got the best of me: H1N1.
My husband I agreed to not seek out the vaccine. We would let nature take its course. But it nagged. It took over my subconscious. When picking up the kids from school, I didn't ask about their day. I asked who was absent. Did he cover his mouth? Do you share pencils with him? Let's not do homework right away, take off your shirt and find a new one. Wash your hands for twenty seconds instead of ten. Don't hug your friends. Don't hold hands. I turned into a mad woman.
I had gotten used to the idea that my kids wouldn't get the vaccine, especially because no one is high risk. I can appreciate that. I felt a momentary sense of calm. I was bound and determined to get them their seasonal vaccine. To no avail.
Last week a notice came home about an H1N1 clinic at a local high school. I did it. I pulled them out of school early. I packed rations. I took books. I stood in line for half an hour. I was even interviewed by a small television station. I WAS going to get this vaccine for them. Success!
I understand that availability for the booster may be difficult. But they have something in their system.
As we head into the holiday season, I can breathe a slight sigh of relief and return to my normal self.

Working Full Time: One Mom's Perspective

2009-11-18T07:04:00.003-06:00

We're piggy-backing on our Breadwinner Blog from Monday. Today we hear from Brenda; a mother who works full time. Thank you for your candid interview, Brenda!

What are benefits to you and your family with you working fulltime?

The benefits of me working full time would be the actual benefits(Health, Dental, etc.)and the income, of course.

What are drawbacks, if any?

Being away from my kids (especially during the summer) – however, now that they are school-age, I am able to work while they are at school and I’m home when they get off the bus.

Do you feel working full-time makes you a better, happier mom?
No – I would be happier if I stayed home! You do what you have to do!

Do you feel your children are better or worse for your decision to work full-time?
Neither – I think as a mom you do the best with what you have and make the most of it. I think you can make the best/worst of every situation.

Would you work full-time if you didn’t have to?

NOPE!

Do you find it easy or difficult to balance work and family?

Depends on the day - but again, you do the best you can – my husband is very involved and that helps a lot too.

Any tips/tricks for successfully balancing both?
No – because I think every family is different and you have to what’s best for your own family -

Do you think the grass is greener?
For sure - If I stayed home, I wouldn’t miss a moment with my kids….

Do you think society supports one over the other: fulltime working mom or stay at home mom?

I kind of think society supports them both – it is the year 2009 – things have changed and evolved -

What would you say to a mom contemplating going back to work full time after having a baby?

Stay home if you can!!!!

Being the Breadwinner

2009-11-15T20:21:00.003-06:00

Today we hear from Steph; a teacher with a Master's Degree, a wife and mother of two girls, ages 3.5 and 2. Steph gives us her perspective on being the "breadwinner" in her home.

Does your husband work or stay home with the kids?

Until recently he worked nights and stayed home with our girls during the day. Now he stays home, cares for his ailing father and attends school.

Has it ever caused conflict that you are the breadwinner?

I wouldn't say conflict. I think there is an underlying resentment sometimes on my part. When my husband gets to pick up my eldest from preschool and hear about all of the fun activities she did, I get a little envious. However, as long as one of us gets to be there, that is all that matters I guess. We knew going into parenthood that this was the situation and even though I think that I miss out on some of the milestones by being a working mom, I'm glad that he's there for them. Also, I do get my summers off, as I am a teacher, and I readily take advantage of those days!

Would you stay home or work part time (basically forfeit your role as
the breadwinner) in order for your husband to be the breadwinner?

In a heartbeat! As much as I love my career and have worked hard for many years, if tomorrow I could stay home with my children, I would do it. It's not important to me to be the breadwinner.

How do others react to you working and your husband staying home?

I think my mother had the hardest time with it. Out of my five sisters, I am the only one who works full-time and I think my mother believes that I should be at home. Don't get me wrong, she is very supportive of my husband staying home and me working, however she would prefer it to be reversed. Other than that, the only reactions I get are: how do they make it work off of a teacher's salary!

Has your husband had any issues with staying at home?

If you were to ask my husband if he could be a stay at home dad forever, he would say yes! He loves being a stay-at-home father and he's quite good at it too! A woman at the zoo the other day asked if he homeschooled our children because he was doing such a good job at teaching about animals! That was a great compliment to him. He absolutely has no problem not being in the workforce and not interacting with adults on a daily basis.

What’s the best thing about your arrangement?

The best part about our arrangement is that no stranger is raising our children. It is extremely important to us to have one parent at home, at least for the first couple of years as the children grow. We talk about how difficult it is on our relationship and financially we could be in a better place, but the benefits greatly outweight the difficulties.

Do the kids ever question dad staying home versus mom?

It's funny. I think they are so used to dad being at home and mom taking over when I get home that it seems totally normal for them. Like I said, as a teacher I get my summers off and I can spend the days with them. But during the school year, dad is in charge during the day and they love it.

Diamonds vs. Tattoos

2009-11-12T10:41:00.007-06:00

Here's a shout-out to my husband and parenting partner: THANK YOU!

Bringing up Baby Overseas: One NewMom's Reflection

2009-11-10T12:27:00.003-06:00

-Did you have any apprehensions about delivering your baby overseas?

After living in Vienna, Austria for over a year (and loving it!) my husband (Tony) and I found out I was pregnant. Within the week, I was determined to move back to the States as soon as possible, definitely before the baby was to be born. The weeks went by and we slowly realized that getting back to the States was going to very difficult because there would be no job and no insurance. The moment I realized that I would be delivering my first born overseas, away from most of my family, and in a foreign place, I was petrified. Which hospital would I go to? Where will I get birth prep classes? What is prenatal care like? Who will deliver my baby? Will they speak English to me? How long do I have to stay in the hospital? Will they encourage a natural childbirth? Who will teach me to breastfeed? What will my hospital room look like? Can my son get circumcised here? The questions and fears were endless!!

-How did you confront these apprehensions? Who or what helped you?

When I told Tony about all of my apprehensions (okay, fears), he wanted to help me as much as possible. I think it was hard for him to keep up with my constant stream of questioning. He helped by doing things that would make me feel more comfortable giving birth away from America, like finding places that offered birth preparation classes in English. He encouraged me to embrace this experience as much as possible. When it came time to tour the birthing hospital, he basically had to coerce me out of the house promising it would be a good thing for us! I was quite in a state of denial. Tony helped me come to terms with the fact that this baby would be born in Vienna, whether I liked it or not. My mother, being a native German speaker, helped me understand the Viennese birthing culture. She also knew the right questions to ask the doctors and midwives.

-When you delivered, what was the biggest surprise of a foreign hospital?

I think one of the biggest surprises was how little I cared that it was foreign. After all of the sleepless nights, my worries were totally washed away the minute we arrived at the birthing clinic. It didn't matter that no one spoke English to me. The only thing I cared about what getting this baby out safely (and quickly!).

-How different was your experience from what you imagined?

Being a first time mom, I was very fearful about the birthing process. Sure, many people told me of their birthing experiences. But I still didn't really know what it would be like. Like many things in my life, I was imagining giving birth to be a mathematical, controlled, rational experience. In actuality, it was everything but those things! However, I think I had a great birthing experience.
I ended up loving the birthing clinic. The midwives were so caring and gentle. The delivery room bedsheets smelled of lavender and the lights were dimmed. After our baby boy, Alexander, was born, he was wrapped in a warm blanket and placed on my belly. The doctors and midwives left us alone, as a family, to soak in and cherish the first few moments of Alexander's life. There was no rushing about or taking him away from us. We stayed in the clinic for four days, and Tony was able to stay overnight with us. We had a private room with basically our own midwife there to answer any questions.
After this experience, I remember saying to my husband, "Wow. I'm scared for when I give birth in the states because I don't think it will be such a good experience like we've just had."

-What has been the most difficult thing about being a NewMom in a foreign country?

The most difficult thing about being a new mom in Austria is being away from my family. I want to share our Alexander with my brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews. And I want him to get to know his aunts, uncles and 15 cousins.

-What has been the easiest?

I feel so protected, in regards to our rights and healthcare. Living in a socialist country, we have not one medical expense for our little one. Alexander gets all of his needs met and health care isn't a stressor for us. I am also able to stay at home with him very easily, with having a very long maternity leave (more on that in the next question).

-Has anything brought you great comfort?

Tony and my friends have been great supports here in Vienna. It also brings me a lot of comfort knowing that my husband and I are able to provide so well for Alexander living here. I know living in Vienna will be short-term for us and I look forward to our big move back to the States sometime in the future.

-Explain your maternity leave

Normally, a woman gets the 8 weeks prior to her due date and following her due date off of work, with full pay. So, that's four months paid leave. I went on maternity leave early due to my stressful work environment, being a teacher in a physically and emotionally demanding school. I had paid leave from the beginning of March until my delivery date, July 25th. The Austrian government then lets you choose your maternity package, giving you a few different options. I chose to take the minimum of 15 months maternity leave.

So far, I've been at home with Alexander for just over three months. I can watch him progress and grow more every day. I am actually thankful that he was born overseas because I'm not confident that I would be able to do this living in America.

Am I Becoming a Selfish Mother?

2009-11-05T20:24:00.009-06:00

My firstborn was delivered at 32 weeks via emergency Cesarean. I leapt into motherhood and it was obvious whose needs had to be met: Josephine's. I never gave it a second thought. I quit teaching in order to stay home. My daughter's needs were met first, constantly for 2 1/2 years; then my husband's needs and finally mine.

When Quinn made his entrance two and a half years later, he took to the breast with voracity and I was also able to supplement with a bottle when necessary. At three months, however, the sight of a bottle sent him into a tailspin. My sweet, content little boy screamed in horror whenever an "artificial" nipple was in his sight.

I had grown accustomed to the rhythym of our days. I was eager for my late afternoon trips to the gym. No worries, the baby took a bottle. Slowly I became unraveled. I longed for a release when my husband got home from work, yet I knew I was leaving him with a screaming baby. Mother guilt. In. Full. Effect. God bless Dave. He always encouraged me to leave the house and take time for myself. As difficult as it was somedays, I learned that by getting out of the house, I was a better mom.

Once Quinn began taking the bottle again (at 9 months!) I realized that Dave's needs fell by the wayside. Two children; one mother and one husband. Majority of the time, he just needed to connect physically (read: sex). I had zero desire, so our argument began. Our physical needs were so different yet I would meet his needs on a semi-regular basis. More on this in a future blog!

When our third baby was born three years later, I was dead-set on getting my own time a few days per week. What happened to the mother who did everything for her children all the time? I didn't worry about Katherine taking a bottle; Dave could handle it. She wouldn't starve if I was gone for two hours.

Today my baby is three. It is the first time I have had a three year old and NO BABY! Do I miss it? No. It is bittersweet for me. I embrace errands with one child. I have only one child to watch at the park. I don't hesitate to drop her in the kids center so I can work out. I've let go of the mom guilt.

In eight and a half years of motherhood, I've learned that A HAPPY MOTHER EQUALS A HAPPY FAMILY!

A Mother's Perspective--Coping with Loss

2009-11-01T16:09:00.008-06:00

Today we hear from Sarina, a Life and Career Coach who conducts Healing Birth Trauma workshops throughout the Twin Cities. Sarina is a mother to two living children. The following testimony touches upon the loss she and her husband experienced with her first pregnancy. Sarina resides in Minneapolis.

*At what point did you experience your loss?

My first child, a boy - Aiden Bennett, was born still at 26 weeks.

*How did you cope?

I felt after losing him that my whole world had turned upside down. Everything looked different. The world fell apart for me. I spend a lot of time alone - walking, journaling, creating, and spending time outdoors with my husband. It was easier for me to isolate as telling "the story" was just too hard.

*What or who truly helped you through?

Naming my son, holding him, really being outdoors, and feeling the loss. Honoring his memory. I believe the only way through grief is to really experience it. To just let it be what it is and to not try a fight it. I was fortunate to be able to take a leave from work, which was hard to ask for, but critical to my healing. The cards and flowers we received from friends and strangers, purchasing a memorial tree, a garden stone a friend purchased in his memory, a letter I received from a friend's mother sharing her story of loss, of her first child 30+ years ago. Reading about loss.

*Did the loss make you hesitant to conceive again?

We have gone on to have two children and pregnancy is hard for me. A true leap of faith and I really focus on self-care. And the knowing I can survive anything.

*Did it put a strain on your marriage? If so, how did you deal with it?

It was truly a profound time of loss for us as we lost my husband's mother at the same time from cancer. We were very intentional about connecting as a couple, we were both in such pain. We did individual counseling and attend a support group together. I believe it made us stronger as a couple even though our relationships was changed by the loss.

*How were other family members affected by the loss?

Shaken, concerned about us, uncertain of how to respond. Our families did an amazing job of recognizing the loss and honoring his memory.

*How would you have liked your friends and family to support you?

I think the people around us supported us the best they could. The loss of child is unimaginable for most of us and even though they meant well I could sense the discomfort. Their responses always struck me as somehow off or wrong, even though they probably weren't. A lot of people want to hear the story and at time of the loss I wasn't ready to share. Sometimes silence is the perfect response.

*How are you coping now?

Although I was forever changed by my experience, I am grateful for the strength I know now I have within me. It remains extremely important to honor his memory. The anniversary is always a difficult time for me. But his loss/life a part of me and don't completely define who I am, as they once did.

*What advice would you give to another mom who has recently experienced a loss?

Be gentle with yourself. Seek professional support and support from those who have experienced similar losses. Grief is so highly personal and know that there isn't a right way to handle it. Do whatever it is you need to do to survive the day.

Happy New Year and a Mom's Perspective...Exercise

2009-09-10T15:06:00.013-05:00

Yes, I know, we normally save 'Happy New Year' for December 31st, but to me September has its own lot of new beginnings. New school year, new friends, new opportunities, new notebooks - oh how I love a blank notebook! A blank slate just waiting for you to give it meaning.

As a mom of a kindergartner, I feel that someone just pulled up the curtain and announced: "Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life" I feel completely wrapped up in its newness. Its confusion. Lack of familiarity, routine. But I also feel liberated. Excited to move on to the next phase. Excited for him.

I propose we celebrate the new school year with a warm up to get ready for those major declarations come December. Maybe you have school-aged children and are looking for ways to feed them healthy meals/snacks. Maybe you find yourself with a few extra hours on your hands now that school has started. Maybe you're determined to set a good example for your family and those around you by focusing on health and overall well-being. Maybe you just want to write on your new notebook.

Give it a try. Make a September resolution. You can always change it in December.

To help you get started, following is an interview with an exercise-conscience mom:

Have you always been health conscience?
So-so, I have always exercised when I was younger it was off and on though.

Did you remain active throughout your pregnancy?
I was very active through my pregnancy. I worked out until the day I delivered. It is what allowed me to survive 3.5 hours of hard pushing and recover quickly from a very difficult delivery.

How do you find the time to fit exercise into a busy schedule?
I am fortunate to be a fitness trainer and have a gym in my home and be able to work a flexible schedule…however, I have very limited daycare and it is still a juggling act but because it helps me stay energetic to keep up with the rest of my life I make the time.

Do you ever ‘fall off the wagon”?
I am just like everyone else and there are days where I don’t have the energy or motivation. That is when I take a day off (a day not a week) or attend a class or do something easy where I do not have to think or work to hard. If so, how do you get back on? I remind myself of how much better I feel after a workout and vow to do 30 minutes of something and I almost always end up doing more.

Do you feel that being fit has an impact on your abilities as mom and a wife? ABSOLUTELY…if I did not exercise I would be crabby, eat poorly, and have no energy

What positives are you modeling for your children?
Teaching them to be active, healthy, and that it is important to take care of yourself and so that you can give more to others

What advice would you give to moms who want to get fit but have a hard go of finding the energy/time to do so?
Just keep trying different things until you find something you enjoy and that works with your life, also think about how you feel when you are done…do you have more energy? Do you sleep better, are you more positive? Those are the important things -- not fitting into a smaller size clothes.

Have a comment, question or perspective you'd like to share? Contact me.

A Mom's Perspective...Working Part-Time

2009-08-19T16:56:00.006-05:00

Susan is the mother of 5 who runs a successful swimming school business with her husband. Following is her perspective on being a part-time working mother, in other words, conceptually having the best of both worlds.

Do you find it easy or difficult to balance between career and home?
The ability to balance both career and home for me completely depends on the schedule I have for work. If I can smoothly arrange to be at work and the kids safely taken care of either at school or care provider then the part time work experience is a refreshing step "away" from all the stress, routine, and responsibilities of being a stay at home mom. However, if either groups, work or family, are suffering because you're not there, the costs associated with your absence or low productivity at work or issues with being absent from your children hardly outweigh the stress associated with the part time job. In this respect, moms who work full time and have a set schedule every day, may actually have a less stressful existence working even though they're gone more hours. Because it's consistent. Far too often a part time schedule, if not done correctly, leaves the mom feeling like she's half at work and half at home.......every minute. Really not feeling like she's devoting the appropriate time to either.

Do you feel like you're able to give 100% to both worlds?
Absolutely not. If you can't get comfortable with giving WHATEVER % you're able to give that day to either group as your BEST effort for that day......you will be miserable holding yourself to a standard that you can never meet. Working part time or full time with children means you are never 100% devoted to either as a mother. I hate to play that card, but I think men have much easier time giving 100% of their effort to work and still have kids at home if mom is at home taking care of the children OR a safe and healthy daycare situation has been set up so that Dad can devote 100% to work. Moms have a built in nurturing aspect that can never be turned off.

Men are hunters. When they are offered the opportunity to go out and "hunt" or work full time and give it their all........they are physically designed to do so. But that same message for a mom is really almost contrary to how women are wired. Our focus isn't the kill. It's the home. We can be away trying to focus 100% on work.....but your family is always on your mind.

Do you have a desire to either stay at home or work full time?
I have always wanted to be home full time and believe it's the best set up for husbands, wives, children, employers, and employees.

What is your least favorite thing about working PT?
The struggle to Keep the standards for work and home effort loose. Again, 100% is not attainable and every day you are challenged to be "OK" with whatever % you can give. Many times.....someone on either end will feel like they got the short end of the stick.

What benefits do you bring to the family, working part time and staying
home part time?
If done correctly and the schedule works for the mom, "stepping away" from home and kids for part time hours can be very refreshing. This typically means mom has a better perspective and not feeling as isolated, unrecognized, or burnt out as she might if she is staying at home full time and doesn't have many outlets. Many times what appeared to be problems at the start of the day, after a few hours out of the house, interacting and focusing on other issues than your house and family.........aren't really problems after all OR you've had some alone time to at least think thru a few things and get some ideas percolating! There is also a contributing effect that a part time mom conveys to her children by working outside the house. Again, I think stay at home moms have the best set up going for their families, but if you have to work, one of the things you can show your kids is that WORK, either outside or inside the home, is meaningful, good....and necessary at times. It reinforces to kids that parents have to WHATEVER it takes to keep their families going. I think it can be a great work ethic reinforcement for children to see.

What is your favorite thing about working PT?
My staff and working on the business with them. I enjoy seeing them, watching their families and careers grow. I really enjoy being part of the team. I get overwhelmed being the only ONE in charge. As they say it gets lonely at the top. Luckily, we have so many good people working with us that I have learned to depend greatly on them to make good decision with me and remove some of the burden of owning and running your own business. I wouldn't trade them for anything. They are the single reason I am able to have 5 kids, a marriage that works, and a thriving business. If they weren't on the same page with me about balancing work and family, I'd be miserable and I'm sure the swim school would have fallen apart years ago.

Have a question or a perspective you'd like to share? Contact me.

A Mom's Perspective...

2009-08-06T11:11:00.029-05:00

My son “Buddy” has high-functioning autism. He is considered high-functioning because he’s not in a special classroom and is able to perform basic functions and is verbal. If you met him you would never believe he had any special needs, but as many families with a special needs child would say, come to my house some night and see how it’s different. Buddy also lives with ADHD, anxiety, asthma, allergies, reflux, and a language processing disorder. If we had the time, I could tell you about his multiple sensory needs, his ultra-obsession with Legos, Transformers and owners manuals to electronics, and his long-standing fear of a certain logo for surround sound videos.

Did you find out during pregnancy that you were carrying a child with special needs?
No, there isn’t a test to do while pregnant to see if a child has autism. My husband and I chose not to do any testing before our babies were born – it didn’t matter to us if our children had any special needs – we love them unconditionally regardless.

Do you feel there are sufficient resources available to support you and your family?
Yes and no. Since my son has many non-life-threatening health issues that basically compound each other, it’s been a struggle to find someone who can address the whole person. We’ve had so many specialists on Team Buddy who are wonderful in their field, but ultra-focused on their specialty. I’m still searching for someone who can address everything…and still be covered by medical insurance. On the flip side, Team Buddy has amazing people who do everything they can to make his life a success.

What would you like moms to know about your situation?
Autism is not scary. It’s heart-wrenching to learn about it and grow with it, but seeing the positives in my son is what will keep me going. I don’t want people to shrug away from me when they hear that “A” word – I want people to ask questions, to get to know the autism we live. Autism is different for every single person.

Everyone has their own challenges, I never want to discount that about anyone or claim that my life is harder. I also don’t want people to assume life is easy with the high-functioning in my son’s autism. We still have challenges that wear me out at night and hurt my heart. Most importantly, I’d like to emphasize the importance of celebrating everything – even the small stuff. For some people the small stuff IS the big stuff.

How do you feel your child is treated by others?
Other adults don’t know about Buddy’s autism unless they know him and our family so they treat him like any other kid. I appreciate that. Other kids exactly his age sometimes don’t have the patience or same interests as him so that can be harder. He is a very likeable kid which helps others’ perception.

Do you feel you’re treated differently because of having a child with special needs?
Only rarely does someone treat me differently, I’m very lucky. Those I’m closest to know I am not one to sit back and wait to see what happens with my son. I am an advocate – his advocate – and insist on pushing the norm to make sure what treatments, therapies, and trials we do with Buddy are for his best interest. I treat every single person in Buddy’s life as a member on Team Buddy and treat them as an integral part of his success in life. I am the team manager and take my role as the most important role in my life. If you’re part of Buddy’s life and not part of the movement to success, get out of my way!

What would you like other moms to teach their children about interacting with special needs children?
All kids are different. Some kids have tools to help them learn, live, and breathe. Some kids need glasses, some need a dog, some need more love than they get. Treat each person with respect and without prejudice.

What is the hardest part of having a child with special needs?
The hardest part for me is getting over my idealistic view of how I dreamed raising a child was going to be. I dreamt of having the star athlete who was in 5 sports each year, the A-student who took accelerated learning classes even in elementary school, the musician, artist, and leader. It has been an internal training I have to give myself to understand and accept that my child does not care about any sports at all, nor does he wish to do anything other than sing on his own time. I need to keep reminding myself that this is not about me. It’s his life and he has different interests than what I had.

What's your advice to other moms whose children have special needs?
Reach out for support. Get involved in a charity related to your need. Talk with other moms with special-needs children. Speak up when something doesn’t feel right. Share stories, celebrate every single day, eat some chocolate.

Have questions or a perspective you'd like to share? Contact me.

Bringing Home Baby

2009-07-14T13:45:00.002-05:00

NewMom’s blog is going to feature interviews of moms from all walks of life. From single moms to moms of multiples, work at home and breadwinners. I thought I’d kick off our series with my own story; When I Had Griffin.

Griffin was our first. He was due 4/23/04 and 4/19/04 was a 90 degree day (just so you know). On 4/22/04 I woke up to pee for the 15th time and my water broke. I did the dishes before waking up my husband. We labored at home until 8. Got to the hospital (who knew Louisiana Avenue was so freakin’ bumpy!?) and I was ‘in transition’. At 2 pm it was time to push. I pushed for 2 hours but Griffin never moved past -1 station. Apparently the 8 lb 15 oz rascal was sunny side up. So we ended up with a c-section and Griffin was delivered at 4:56 on April 22nd, 2004.

Everyone has labor/delivery stories to tell. If you want, you can have all the gory physical details. But you don’t (at least I didn’t) hear as much about the emotional adjustments, what happens after the baby is here.

Griffin’s arrival was the beginning of a wet few weeks for me. Evidently, many of the hormones you acquire during pregnancy are released when you deliver the baby. When you have a c-section that isn’t always the case and the only way to get rid of those hormones is through blood, sweat and tears. The sobbing started when we were still in the hospital and continued for the next 3 weeks. EVERYTHING brought me to tears. And I don’t mean just a little sniffle here and there. I mean full on, can’t talk, can’t catch your breath sobbing. I loved getting in the shower because I could sob away and no one could see. It was uncontrollable and I'm not one to cry in front of people so the fact I couldn't stop sobbing was frustrating. I could go on about all of the instances of sobbing in front of my mom, my mother-in-law, the neighbors, etc. If you came to my house within that time frame, you saw me sobbing.

I’m not sure if this had anything to do w/the c-section or not; but I felt a physical pull to Griffin. I could not leave him in his bassinet and take a nap on the couch. I couldn’t leave him sleeping upstairs and go downstairs to watch TV w/my husband. I had to have him with me. One of the thoughts that instantly brought on the sobbing was that my baby was now outside of me and would, from this point on, only be growing away from me. Actually that still makes me a little sad… they do grow up so fast. But now I can see how much fun they are at each stage along the way. There are different joys and frustrations, and I’m getting to know his little personality now, his thoughts, his laughter, likes and dislikes which I obviously wouldn’t have the opportunity to if he wasn’t growing up into his own.

No one gave me a heads up that this could happen and it would be normal. At the time I didn’t think I’d ever stop crying. Figured I’d never get through another Hallmark commercial without needing a box of Kleenex. But eventually (probably about 4 weeks, not the two my husband and I were expecting) the sobbing subsided and I adjusted to my new life with Griffin. We’ve since added Gavin and Gracyn to our family and each one is an adjustment and a blessing. I still cry much easier than I did before becoming a mom. And now the tears are happy too.

Then there’s that guilt thing…that’s a whole other post.

What were some of the adjustments you hadn’t expected after adding a baby to your life? What would your advice be to other new moms to be?

And the Winner is...

2009-07-10T10:12:00.002-05:00

Sydnee from Prior Lake!

Congratulations to Sydnee for winning NewMom's 1st drawing for a $500 gift card from American Express.

It's not too late for you to be our next winner. Join our Mom's Circle and stay tuned for details on our next drawing.

Happy shopping Sydnee!

Memories

2009-06-30T14:14:00.006-05:00

We've been discussing if we should join our local community center. The boys just got done w/swimming lessons there and it'd be a great place to spend a rainy day. The boys are very eager to be able to go there anytime so every time we pass it I hear "do you remember something mom?? we need to get our 'remembership'". Love it. The 5 year old thinks an 'invitation' would suffice as well.

I've been trying to be diligent in writing down the funny things they say as they pick up on language and its nuances. "Remembership" is one of my favorites. A couple others include;
"good boy mommy, good boy" and "my head has a tummy ache". Sometimes I don't correct them because I like how they say it, such as "it's soggy outside" or "corn on the dog" (corn on the cob).

There are so many more that I didn't write down. You always think you'll remember and then one day it's forgotten.

There was a man who took a Polaroid picture everyday of his life until the day he died. What a way to remember your life's moments! I can't deal w/the overwhelming thought of organizing all of those pictures, but I'm intrigued and moved by the concept.

Since we can't predict what moments become memories, I've started putting notes in a journal every night before bed. Maybe a few paragraphs, and maybe just a sentence or even a word. I'm not putting pressure on myself or this too could become overwhelming. Just a few highlights from everyday. I want to capture as many of these moments as I can; we all know it goes by much too quickly.

What are some of the favorite sayings from your little ones? How do you capture those memories?

A few things I've learned...

2009-06-22T16:32:00.007-05:00

Here's is a bit of what I've learned so far from my three beautiful children:

1. Swaddling a newborn - make sure the baby has support around its feet and head. In the womb, the baby is completely surrounded. Making sure the baby's head and feet are touching something makes it feel more secure. (Worked everytime, though I didn't learn that one until my third...).

2. When a child is dehydrated, he/she actually looks like they're wilting.

3. Pedialyte is not just high-priced juice. It really works.

4. Four year olds can understand the command 'throw up in the toilet' but may not have the forethought to lift the lid first.

5. If your child has gotten hold of a sharp object, like a kitchen knife. Do not grab or pull it out of their hands. Simply press on the back of their hands and their little fingers will open like magic.

6. It goes fast. Some days are fantastic, some days are pure survival, but it all makes for one incredible ride.

A child can always teach an adult three things:
To be happy for no reason
To always be busy with something and
To know how to demand with all his might that which he deserves

How I plan to live my life

2009-06-12T15:17:00.008-05:00

"I want to live my life so my aura, when it leaves, is very bright."

I'm always on the search for betterment and enlightenment. This phrase seems simple enough to remember between changing diapers, kissing owies and repeating "finger out of your nose, hands out of your pants."

Anyway, for more on the story behind living life so your aura is bright check out this link to Oprah.com.

The NewMom Website is Done! (well, mostly...)

2009-06-09T14:55:00.002-05:00

I'm so excited to announce that our new site is finally ready for public viewing!

NewMom, Inc.

We'll be making some enhancements to the Resource and Discount pages over the next few weeks. So check back again for updates.

Thanks to Melanie and Spencer for getting it done for us!

The Logo Reveal!

2009-06-04T12:08:00.005-05:00

Drumroll please...TaDa! The new NewMom logo. We love it and hope that you will as well. I love the mom and baby bird in the circle and how the circle represents the cycle of life. Though I've become quite partial to pink after having Gracyn, I was drawn to this gray shade of blue.

We'll be launching to new website soon. I use that term loosely as its official launch continues to move. There is a site up, but it is full of typos and lacks functionality that was supposed to be completed by now. Though it's been a frustrating experience, I'm not going to slander the website development company. I'm only going to say one thing:

If a potential vendor includes the following in its terms of service, find another vendor.

43. Negative Comments/Slander - Client specifically agrees not to engage in negative comments or slander regarding {website company}, including but not limited to publishing, or causing to be published, complaints or derogatory comments regarding {website company} in any format, including but not limited to, print, newspaper, television, radio or on internet complaint sites, blogs or other public internet forums. Should there be a breach of this condition {website company} will be entitled to liquidated damages in the amount of $2,500.00 for each publishing or posting. If said breach occurs on an internet complaint site each hit to that website will be considered an individual breach of this condition, and subject to additional liquidated damages of $100 per occurrence. Further, {website company} shall be entitled to litigate this matter, and obtain the money damages together with injunctive relief. The prevailing party to that litigation shall be entitled to an award of attorney’s fees.

Enough said.

Win a $75 gift card from Barnes & Noble!

2009-05-07T11:13:00.003-05:00

NewMom has slowly entered the blogging world. In brainstorming subjects we could blog about, the most relevant and interesting topic that continually came up was ‘moms’. As moms, we all share a common bond, but as individuals we all make different decisions and have different experiences. Ever wonder how a mom of 5 gets a shower in or what a mom with 1 child does with all her time? How about those moms who started very early or late? Workforce moms or stay at home moms?

Or maybe you have questions you’d like to ask another mom but you haven’t had the opportunity; such as contemplating going from 2 kids to 3 and wanting to know what that may be like, or considering adoption or wondering how to approach a special needs child.

If you’re interested in being interviewed to participate in NewMom’s blog, send an email to info@newmominc.com with "blog mom" in the subject line and with your name and category/categories that best fit your experience. If preferred, names can be changed to protect the innocent.

If you have questions you’d like to ask, please send an email to info@newmominc.com with "blog" in the subject line and the questions and category/categories in which you’re seeking answers/perspectives.

We need your help in making this blog a success and sincerely appreciate your involvement. Participants will be included in a drawing for a $75 gift card from Barnes & Noble! Feel free to forward on to other moms who may be interested in participating.

CATEGORIES

Mom of multiples
Mom of special needs child/children
Adoptive family
A new mom
Mom who started her family later (over 38)
Mom who started her family early (under 23)
Mom who has experienced a loss
Mom who experienced post-partum depression
Mom whose spouse travels often
Mom whose spouse in stationed overseas
Mom who has relocated her family
Mom who is fit
A ‘green’ mom
Single mom
Divorced mom
Widowed mom
Mom of child/children dealing with chronic illness
Large family
Small family
Mixed race family
Family with children close in age
Family with children widely spaced
Mom of preschool aged children
Mom of elementary aged children
Mom of high school children
Mom of college aged children
Mom that home-schools
FT working mom
PT working mom
Stay at home mom
The “breadwinner”

You’re welcome to add additional categories that may have been missed here.

Thank you,

Stacey

Season of Renewal

2009-03-20T09:55:00.000-05:00

SPRING HAS OFFICIALLY ARRIVED - YAY!

Really, I love each season. I love cozy evenings by the fireplace in January. Shedding a few layers in the refreshing and crisply cold air of spring. The warm nights and hot sun of summer. The beautiful leaves along w/the perpetual smell of campfire in the...already crisp again...air of fall.

Anyway, back to renewal.

NewMom, Inc. has been moving along for 4 years now and we've learned A LOT in those 4 years. What we want, what we need and how to tell the difference, among other things.

In taking what we've learned, we are going to change up the business model a bit which will create significant efficiencies while keeping costs down and increasing the number of Welcome Gifts we deliver to new families each month.

We're also rebuilding the website. Our new website offers more resources for both our new mom recipients and our clients.

We're working on our Facebook page. This is where moms can post discussions, ask questions and become a fan of NewMom, Inc. The Facebook page is available for our clients to post short-lead events as well. Want to become a fan? Click here.

Our client-focused newsletters will continue monthly and we're adding a newsletter for our new mom recipients in June.

What won't change? NewMom, Inc. will continue to celebrate and welcome new babies and their families through the delivery of quality gift baskets. NewMom's clients will continue to celebrate with us by including generous gifts for the new family. NewMom will continue giving back to community by creating opportunities for developmentally disabled adults and donating profits to local women and children's charities.

NewMom, Inc. Mission Statement:

NewMom, Inc. brings families and businesses together.

Through our Welcome Gifts:

We give new moms a gift intended to make this wonderful life transition easier,
We help quality businesses grow, and
We give back to our community by partnering with charitable organizations.

We believe that when people come together with the intent to create opportunity and hope, great things will happen.

Stay tuned for more updates and a peek at our new logo!

I See Me, Inc.

2009-01-30T15:38:00.001-06:00

NewMom has partnered with I See Me, Inc. I See Me creates personalized children's books, puzzles and plates that make memorable baby, birthday and Valentine's Day gifts for newborns and children.

As part of our partnership, we're able to offer NewMom recipients a free shipping code that can be used whenever you order from the site. The free shipping code does not expire and can be used repeatedly. The free shipping code is FSD14295. Feel free to forward on to friends and family.

We hope you enjoy the books as much as we do!

Startup Nation's 2009 Leading Moms in Business Competition

2009-01-28T20:11:00.000-06:00

Startup Nation has partnered with Ladies Who Launch to run a competition for mom-owned businesses. It's a great opportunity for publicity and exposure to other momprenuers.

NewMom has entered this year's competition and needs your support! Please vote for us at http://www.startupnation.com/leading-moms-2009/contestant/3775/index.php or click on the widget below.

You can vote once each day. Please help NewMom get into the HOT zone!!

Thank you in advance for your support!!